The gym scence: a crazy counter-culture, or a frightening new reality for men?

I'm fairly new to the gym scene, but from what I've gathered, as an average gym patron, two basic concepts should be kept in mind while attempting to improve one's physical health. If you're trying to build muscle mass, push or pull against varying resistance, with different body parts, in different directions. If you're trying burn fat, do something that makes your heart beat faster for sustained amounts of time. While I won't be trying out for Mr. Universe anytime soon, these two concepts have returned at least decent results in both categories.

Now, I have no intention of coming off as pious, and I certainly don't intend to pontificate on the nuances of sculpting a perfect body, as I have neither the experience nor the knowledge to do so. I have, however, noticed some peculiar behaviors upon my visits to the gym, some real head-scratchers. It seems to me that if one were to fork over thirty to forty hard-earned dollars a month to an establisment, especially in these financially recessed times, one would have the intention of recieving some sort of benefit from said establishment. That being said, I'll further explain my confusion with a couple examples.

The treadmills seem to be popular pieces of equipment in the gym; I suppose because they provide most of the benefits of jogging around town, while eliminating the pesky elements of the outdoors, and providing an added bonus of being able to watch The Daily Show, or The Colbert Report (or whatever show the treadmillist desires, so long as it's on expanded basic cable). More accurately, treadmills can provide most of the benefits of jogging around town, so long as the treadmillist properly utilizes the treadmill. I'm no expert, as previously implied, and I'm definitely not in a position to properly explain the biological functions of the human of the human body, but I'm fairly certain that the 300 lb. guy on the treadmill, that I see every time I enter the gym, isn't going to shed those pounds by walking at a leisurely pace, while watching television, with interstitial periods of stagnation. My criticism doesn't come without advice. Buy an Ipod, download some television shows, and walk around the block a few times. It should save money in the long run.

The dumbells are also popular pieces of equipment, and rightfully so. They provide varying resistance, which one can use to push or pull in different directions. The majority of the dumbellists that I've noticed, and also attempted to emulate, utilize a carefully calculated strategy while dumbelling. That is, they incrementally increase both their repetitions and/or amount of resistance upon each visit to the gym. However, I've also noticed the skinny guys (I can empathize, as I am also one of those skinny guys) that return to the gym on a daily basis, choose the ten-pound dumbells, flail around like a palm tree in a hurricane for several minutes, return the ten-pound dumbells to the rack, walk several laps around the gym, then repeat. I must admit, I tried the palm tree method once or twice, but quickly fell out of favor. Again, I can't give a detailed explanation as to why the palm tree method doesn't work, but through simple observation, I've compared the palm tree guys with the carefully calculated strategy guys, and I'm going to have to say that the strategy guys win.

Beyond the single guys that don't seem to be learning from the trials and tribulations of becoming a bona fide gym patron, I always notice a group of gentlemen wandering around aimlessly, during the peak hours. This group is generally led by some guy that looks like he lives in the gym, that could probably bench press me, and followed by four or five guys that look like the only exercise they receive is wandering aimlessly around the gym. I realize that the first step in the logical thought process would be, "well, he's probably a personal trainer, and he's showing them around the gym." However, this particular gym is a small one, and does not provide personal trainers. Also, I've seen the same group of guys wandering around in the eight months since I joined. The lives-in-the-gym guy seems to be more knowledeable about the major muscle groups than a Harvard med-student, and his followers seem to be taking in less knowledge than Bluto from Animal House.

Now that we're on the subject of live-in-the-gym guys, I pose the question: when did it become socially acceptable for men to stand in front of a mirror and observe themselves flex every muscle in their body for extended periods of time? I understand that the official reason for the wall-length mirror in the gym is so that dumbellists and barbellists can watch themselves, to make sure they're using proper form, and I also understand that proper form is important for those, unlike me, who wish explore the nuances of sculpting a perfect body. What I can't understand is, the concept of bulky, muscular men that act like women. The kicker is that, from what I've generalized, the majority of the gym-tweeners (gym-tweeners being the guys that are somewhere between completely out of shape and Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime) aspire to be one these bulky guys that flex their muscles in the mirror. I make this generalization because I see guys that look like me (imagine Screech from saved by the bell), wearing sleeveless shirts, flexing their imaginary muscles in the mirror.

Perhaps I'm overgeneralizing (probably an understatement), but I see evidence of the point that I've been trying to meander towards, which I realize is a bit unclear at this point (the modern day man is more concerned about his looks than the modern day woman), when I visit clubs and bars. The man in a modern day club or bar isn't just concerned about confidence, suaveness or the ability to convince the unwitting woman to consent to a night in bed with him, he's also, and probably a bit more, concerned with how the lighting effects reflect off his biceps. I find this awfully disconcerting.

Men, are we moving towards a society in which we have to do all the work in the mating ritual? I think we are, and we're doing it to ourselves. Women used to be the half of the species that had to be concerned with appearance, right? And appearance takes quite a bit of effort. Now we're in the appearance game, which means, not only are we buying the drinks for the women, and selling ourselves like a Billy Mays (R.I.P.) infomercial, we're also spending our free time primping and prodding, putting product in our hair, sculpting our bodies and looking for the perfect shirt to match our shoes, while the women are reaping the benefits.

I for one, am completely fed up!...

Did you believe me?

I suppose I'll settle for being a hybrid, modern man. I'm going for the perfect proporiton of skinny-guy beer-belly (I've put a lot of time and effort into that little guy), and kinda-sorta muscular dude. At least I can kinda-sorta stick to my quasi-convictions.